I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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