Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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