the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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