If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
