I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
This house was built for laser tag.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
