You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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