Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
