you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
