Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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