If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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