Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
