Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
