she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
