i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
