I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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