How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
