talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
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