2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
