i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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