I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
