She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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