dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think I died a long time ago.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
