Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize