you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You need a sexual gate keeper
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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