Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
