we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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