at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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