fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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