I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
