Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
