just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
