Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
