can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
