So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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