is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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