I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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