i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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