like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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