i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
