Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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