I puked a lego.
they need to just BURY HIM!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He passed out mid-signature
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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