I just pynch a tree in the face
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
