dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
