I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
