Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you guys were way drunker than both of me
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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