I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
