Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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