there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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