At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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