Dignity is for republicans.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
