I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
