Just cropdusted the office
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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