FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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