dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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