Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
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his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
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I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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