last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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