so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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