You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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