Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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