And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
