Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
