How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
